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Moving to a stress-free reality

How to Successfully Ruin Your Life in 3 Easy Steps

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How to Successfully Ruin Your Life in 3 Easy Steps

by Robert S. Vibert

Here you will find exactly what you’ve been searching for! This vital information is not covered by those magazines at the checkout counter that you have been browsing through for years, nor those hundreds of websites and books you have been reading. Here you will also discover the latest and greatest details on what you absolutely need to do. And, best of all, it will be explained in three easy steps! Read on!

If you have paid any attention to the average recent article on just about anything, then you’ll not be surprised by the claims made above. They are rather routine and common while still being new and improved! And, best of all, they are not to be found anywhere else! They are yours exclusively… not counting everyone else who is reading this, of course.

Now, on to the meat of the question, or the pumpkin, if you are vegetarian. How exactly does one ruin one’s life in three easy steps? You may be surprised to discover that it is very easy and requires no initial investment. In fact, it will cost you nothing at all! (Unless you want the hard copy, which is available for a modest processing fee…)

Without further ado, here is what you’ve been waiting breathlessly for all your life, or at least since you started reading this. (Do take a breath now, as it will make it even easier, if that is possible, to take in all this wonderful material.)

Step One: Pay no heed to what is going on with you and the world

Even though there are all kinds of important things happening around you all day long, you really should ignore them as much as possible. If you pay any attention to them, you might make informed decisions, and you certainly don’t want to do that. Ignorance is always the best defense!  You can claim that you did not know that products go on sale at the supermarket every week, and that is one of the reasons why you are always short on cash.  You can also state for a fact that you have no idea why your car keeps breaking – who knew it needed to be serviced regularly??! Generally speaking, you want to be as oblivious as possible to the happenings of the world.

With regard to your self, it also best to completely ignore the signals your body and emotional heart are giving you. Numb down those physical pains with massive doses of painkillers and distractions, as you don’t want to know that you might need to change your habits or get out of that chair and exercise a little. And, if your heart is complaining of emotional distress or pain, do your best to medicate that as well, using as many substances as you need, ranging from chocolate to ice cream to brownies and if that does not work, bring out the heavy guns: alcohol and drugs.

For good measure,  distract yourself with massive doses of TV, sports, romance novels, and any other distraction you can find. The last thing you want to do is look at what might be troubling you. After all, if you notice anything about your life, you may have to own your part in it, and have to resign your membership in the Professional Victim of Circumstances Beyond Our Control Club.

Step Two: Focus exclusively on the small stuff

There are significant changes happening in the world today, including pollution, growing inflation, widespread bankruptcies, food shortages, catastrophic natural disasters, severe depletion of fish stocks, and increasing contamination of food by toxic industrial chemicals, to name just a few.  To be successful at ruining your life, you should have ensured that your mind wandered off in the middle of that last sentence. After all, you do not want any more than milliseconds of your attention to be on these sorts of problems. They are serious ones, so best you make sure to only pay attention to what immediately concerns you.  You know, stuff like the sports game on TV, what your favorite  celebrity is up to, and how traffic is flowing on the roads and behind the checkout counter in your local big box store. You can also add to this collection of minor stuff that you pay excessive attention to your latest sitcom and “reality” TV programs, fashion trends, computer games and anything else which is really not all that important to your survival or personal growth, but that does provide for mindless distraction.

You want to keep your attention firmly on those things which will keep you away from noticing that the world you live in is being neglected and abused at a wholesale level. Surely someone else will take care of all that boring stuff so you can focus on “whatever”.

Step Three:  Gain more skills

This last step is not so obvious to many people, as it has become part of the mantra of modern life. Much of the “education” we receive is based upon learning and perfecting skills. Day after day, we learn more and more skills and credential-ism reinforces this trend, as getting a new job often requires that we can list off an impressive group of skills and courses that we somehow managed to complete.  Whether or not we can actually remember and apply these skills in an effective manner or even judge when to apply one or none of them is usually ignored, so best you ignore that too. Just keep on acquiring more and more skills until you cannot remember when to use them or even how to really use them. You need to stockpile them, like arrows in your quiver, ready to be shot at a moment’s notice.

If you are trying to improve your relationship, for example, the Relationship Obtaining, Improvement, and Repair (ROIR) industry has dozens and dozens of skills they want you to learn as they are sold as absolutely essential to relationship success. You read about these all the time in the magazines of impeccable research sold at newsstands everywhere – you need to communicate better, you need to tickle more, you need to pander to your partner’s insecurities by constantly telling them how wonderful/pretty/thin/handsome they are, etc., etc.  Never mind that most relationship problems are caused by unresolved  inner emotional pain and traumas, and no amount of skills will fix that. The ROIR folks want you to learn these skills which are actually pretty useless for those who are suffering from the wounds of their past (i.e. about 99% of the population), so get out there and do that! Read another magazine article about how to fake it until you make it, even if that is a dismal approach to real success.

And, there you have it! Three simple steps guaranteed to make it easy to ruin your life. Consistently applying these steps will ensure that you regularly get sideswiped by things that happen in your life, that you waste a lot of time and energy on activities and substances that provide only temporary relief from what ails you, further draining your bank account and spirit. In short order, you can join the hordes of happy sufferers who spend most of their time complaining about the sad state of their affairs, looking about puzzled at where they are in their life. If you really want to ruin your life, there are many more steps that you can take, but given that they actually might require some effort, best we leave them for another day.

What’s that you are saying? You don’t actually want to ruin your life?  Then why did you read this article? Were you enticed by the “three easy steps” and missed the part about it being an article on ruin, not on success? Oh, you are actually looking to improve your life? And you noticed how many of the resources you have been consulting are like recipes that require lots of steps and skills you must develop and yet you wonder how they could actually work.

Well, far be it from our normal procedure to present more than one main concept in a single article, what with all the union rules on that sort of thing, but here’s a hint:

When you find it hard to improve on any life skill, look for what is blocking that effort. More than likely, it is an emotional issue with that subject. Once you resolve the emotional issue (usually by simply releasing the stored emotion) you can then get back to improving your life and developing whatever it was you were trying to, without that major distraction getting in the way. Succeeding is not complicated, but it does require that you put some effort into it, and stay focused on the important things in life, which are not money, celebrities or entertainment.  Any time you find it hard to focus on the bigger life picture, look inside and see what is being stirred up. Take care of that and the rest will much easier fall into place.

If on the other hand, you do want to ruin your life and remain a victim, then please diligently follow the three steps above and successful ruin is yours to be had!

Copyright 2011, Robert S. Vibert, all rights reserved. May be posted elsewhere with proper attribution and a link back to this blog.

 

AER is a system to enhance the natural human release mechanism. One of the recorded AER sessions is available for FREE at my Facebook public page. Other AER recordings are available for the low cost of $10 each.

Healing and our Brains

Change is not just about your thoughts

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I recently watched the film “The Living Matrix” which features the work of a number of people involved in examining how our world actually works.  It was a good film in many ways and explained well some of the top-level notions about quantum physics and the interconnectedness of life.

One of the things I noticed was the usual preponderance of people pronouncing that our thoughts determine so much in our lives, and the mention of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Speaker after speaker emphasized the importance of our thoughts and how they affect us.

There was a small portion of the film that discussed the power of emotions and the power of the heart, and then the focus shifted back to the brain and thoughts. If one only had access to the material presented here, one could conclude that changing one’s thoughts was the key to better health, peace and happiness.

For a long time, I was in that same camp. I studied NLP and Hypnosis (Ericksonian Hypnosis was the basis for NLP), read books, took courses, listened to lectures, etc., etc. all about how to improve my mind. I can’t recall exactly when and how, but eventually an awareness in me was triggered – we’re not our thoughts and changing them is not the answer, but only part of the process of transformation.

The danger of specialization

I’ve written before about the conceit of the prefrontal cortex, that part of our brain that thinks it is charge and tries to overcome our emotions. One of the dangers of being too specialized is that one can miss all kinds of other information that lies on the periphery of our focus. This is what I observed when watching The Living Matrix. I saw a series of people, with brilliant minds and incredible aptitude, focusing almost all their attention on just one part of what makes up the complex beings that we are – our brains and thoughts.

What was missing from the film, and it is a big omission, is a discussion of how we are made up of, at the very least:

  • our emotions
  • our body sensations
  • our thoughts
  • our beliefs
  • our memories
  • our consciousness filters
  • our ways of being.

Humans are a complex organism and our various aspects are intertwined to such a degree that we must take a “whole person” view to properly honor our reality. We must acknowledge that each one of these aspects affects all the others.  Our thoughts do not stand alone nor do they drive the ship that is us.

To effect any substantial change in ourselves, we need to have our various aspects in alignment and agreement – we need to have congruency. The evidence to support this notion is all around us – many people say they want one thing, and yet it never appears in their life. They might blame all kinds of external factors, but it does not take very long to discover that their actions do not match their words and underneath there is dissension. They might have a life-long fear of success or a preconceived negative notion about their own self-worth or  a belief that it takes too much effort to attain that goal. It could also be dozens and dozens of other factors, any one of which is enough to introduce incongruency and internal dissension.

All together now

If one has the intention to change some aspect of one’s life, then one needs to become aware of how each of the various aspects is affecting the movement toward that goal. One needs to benignly notice the beliefs, the thoughts, the emotions, the memories, the body sensations, etc ,which are evoked when this goal is contemplated. Anything which is out of alignment needs to be gently brought into alignment. If a fear is present, for example, it must be released using some sort of technique such as AER. If a limiting belief is present, it needs to be acknowledged and released as well. The same is needed for all aspects which are not congruent with the movement toward the goal, and this is more a project of releasing blocks and dissension than it is about forcing oneself into conformity.

Next time you hear or read someone say that one needs to change one’s thoughts, remember that you are not your thoughts – they come and go, thousands of times during each day. Your thoughts influence you, yes. So do your emotions, your beliefs, your memories, your body sensations, etc..

Take a “whole person” approach, get your aspects into alignment,  and you may be surprised at how much easier it is to obtain your goals.

Copyright 2009, Robert S. Vibert

Healing and our Brains

Don’t you understand?

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The human quest for “understanding” is so prevalent that most of us take it completely for granted and organize much of our lives around it. What hardly ever gets questioned is what is causing this quest in the first place and what are the consequences of such constant questing.

To properly set the context, let’s consider some examples of quests for understanding that we can run across any day of the week. One good example is what we see from the Relationship Obtaining, Improvement, and Repair (ROIR) industry. The ROIR produces dozens of new books, and hundreds (if not thousands) of magazine and online articles each year purporting to help us understand potential and existing partners and relationships. This same industry organizes conferences and workshops by the hundreds and provides for steady employment for countless therapists who help their clients “understand” why things are not working as they want in relationships. In addition to the specialized providers of ROIR products and services, much of the content of TV programs and films includes this material, and people worldwide watch these for hours on end, all in our quest to better “understand” relationships and be entertained. On a more private level, people spend hours each day discussing, mulling over, revisiting, examining, and dissecting relationships, all in that quest to understand what is happening, what happened and what will happen next. If one could harness the electrical energy of all the brain activity involved in just this one questing process, it is likely we would never need to drill for any more oil! Shades of The Matrix… 🙂

Another example of questing for understanding is when we try to figure out what is our purpose in life.  We examine our likes and dislikes, investigate income potential and job opportunities, consider future growth prospects, meditate on spiritual inclinations, study purported laws of attraction and distraction, attend workshops and classes, etc., etc. all with the goal of helping us “understand” better our life purpose. Many religions advise us on this topic as well, in an effort to increase our “understanding” and some philosophies devote entire volumes to this quest.

A third and final example (and there are many more once you start looking) is the quest for understanding how the human mind works. Scientists and philosophers the world over diligently study this topic. They put people in fMRI machines to scan their brain activity, attach EEG electrodes to the scalps of volunteers to pick up electrical signals, sit in contemplation or debate vigorously with colleagues about the functioning of the human mind/brain. The number of books and articles on this subject has grown by leaps and bounds over the past years as technology promises to help us “understand” ourselves better.

Despite the enormous investments of time, effort and money in the pursuit of understanding in these and many other fields, our “understanding” seems to be a constantly moving target, with yesterday’s best advice and theories often contradicted or colored by today’s latest discovery. But this moving target is not the crux of my discussion here.

Why do we “need” to understand?

This essay is just my current conclusion on why we humans need to quest constantly for understanding. It might be right, and it might just as well be wrong. And, more than likely, I will not quest much more for understanding why we quest for understanding once I have finished writing it. Phew! What a convoluted path – did you keep up? Did you “understand” what I am trying to do here? 😉

Without further ado, in a nutshell, this is my idea for why we need so desperately to “understand” and why even when we do “understand” we still seek out more and more details and explore alternative explanations, to supposedly further our “understanding”:

Our brain forces us to seek out “understanding”. Simple as that. OK, bye now.

What’s that you are saying? You don’t fully understand?  Oh bother, well I guess I’ll try to explain this notion of mine, but there are some ground rules. First, I might be completely wrong about all this. I may not “understand” this at all, and you reading what I write here may generate more confusion than understanding. If you are OK with that, read on. If not, best you save yourself now, before it is too late! And, even if you do eventually “understand” what I am saying here, just “understanding” it is not going to make an iota  of difference to you.  You’d actually have to do something with this new knowledge and comprehension, or else you’ll just be adding to your storehouse of data, thoughts and ideas, and it is probably pretty full already.

Our brain needs to “understand”

As best I can figure it, over time our brains evolved some special capabilities which have served us well, but like an athlete who only exercises one set of muscles, we can get out of balance when we dedicate too much time to one of our possible activities. The special capability that I am talking about is problem solving. We humans are great at problem solving, really superb when you consider it all. Just look at the marvels of technology that we have created as a result of this ability, which we have in abundance. Why are we such good problem solvers? It is because we have a powerful Problem Processing Engine (PPE) inside us, mainly in our head. This PPE detects problems, analyses the data related to the problem at hand, studies it and starts generating potential solutions which are eventually used to solve the problem.  At least, that is how it works when things are working well.

What goes wrong

If our PPE was always working just fine, we’d have no reason to pay much attention to it, like the engine of a car – it would efficiently take us from here to there, from problem to solution. Alas, our PPE is subject to interference from a number of elements, and this interference can cause it to malfunction, to our detriment.

Stress can wreak havoc on the smooth functioning of our PPE – instead of producing good solutions, it often just processes the same problems over and over, lacking enough peace and quiet to properly digest the details and arrive at a workable solution. You are probably familiar with this – once you’ve reached the point of being tired and over-worked or over-stressed, your ability to solve problems and make good decisions declines. This is part of the reason why humans need a break from work on a regular basis, and that includes domestic engineering (AKA housework and child-rearing). Without those regular breaks, we cannot function well, and we tend to either delay making decisions or we make ones that are not optimal.

Another very common problem for our PPE is the effect of LoveDrugs. LoveDrugs is a term I use for the chemicals that our bodies produce in large quantities when we “fall in love”. They include dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin and when we are flooded by them, it is like being on cocaine according to the researchers who study this sort of thing. Now LoveDrugs do serve a vital purpose – they cause us to see another human through incredibly rosy filters, masking all the stuff about them that would normally trigger us to consider seriously if it is really such a good idea to mate with them. This diminished judgment is necessary for the survival of the species – we could not be too overly selective about mates for much of our history, and so LoveDrugs helped ease the way for babies to be conceived and thus we are all here today.  The fly in this ointment is that when we are on LoveDrugs, our PPE is very impaired. It does not process problems well, reaches conclusions we can only wonder about later, and generally diverts most of its focus from life to what’s happening or not with The Other. This also explains a lot about why the RIOR industry is so active – people under the influence of LoveDrugs are trying to figure out their relationships with others who may or not be on LoveDrugs. And, here’s a secret that may save you a lot of concern and effort (if you can remember it when you are on LoveDrugs): when you are trying to “understand” why someone on LoveDrugs did X or Y, the answer is simple – they are literally drugged and their Problem Processing Engines are not working well. They are making decisions while under the influence and no amount of analysis or rationalizing with them will have any real effect, just like arguing with a drunk is a waste of time. Maybe you did not want to hear that…

Another common issue that arises is that when no real problem is in sight, our PPE will go into Problem Seeking Mode, looking for problems to work on, including where they do not actually exist. Think of your PPE as an engine that is almost always revving, ready to process a problem. This Problem Seeking Mode is especially common when one does not have any productive activity to occupy one’s time and PPE. When the PPE does not have real problems to work on, it looks for them in the innocuous events of life, imagining that they must exist somewhere.  Once it has invented a “problem”, it then seeks out “evidence” and “proof” of the existence of this “problem”, even if that means it has to negatively interpret just about everything that appears in front of the person.  Trying to deal rationally with someone who has had their PPE invent a problem is another major waste of time. The human mind does not distinguish well between dreams and reality, and this dreamt up problem seems perfectly “real” to this person. You may now consider differently the expression “It’s all in their head”…

A final potential issue is that our PPE is influenced by emotions, including all the stored emotional energy from our past. Present day emotions and memories and the emotions associated with them influence how your PPE will work. Strong painful emotions will prompt the PPE to generate solutions that will not be objective but ones designed to prevent you from being exposed to further pain and suffering. Unfortunately, these defensive solutions are often rather simplistic and self-defeating, as they are happening at a subconscious level and we are not aware of the influence of our past pain on our present decision-making processes. People will walk away from perfectly good jobs, for example, because some buried pain has been triggered in them by something at the job. Most of the time, they are not even aware of the pain or the triggering of a defensive reaction, and will rationalize their decision to leave after the fact or call it a gut instinct. Often, the “cure” is worse than the “disease” being avoided. As before, trying to “understand” why someone makes a decision is often a waste of time and effort, as there are so many hidden factors at play and most people make emotional decisions and then backwards rationalize them.

Treat your engine well

If you’ve read this far, you may think that things are pretty bleak. We’re saddled with a PPE that can become hijacked by stress, LoveDrugs, idleness and strong emotions and then work against us instead of for us, causing us grief instead of helping us. Unfortunately, there is no real way to turn off our PPE – it is hard wired in our head, and when it works well, it really is useful to us. So, what can we do? Well, the first suggestion I have is to pay attention and get to know your PPE – watch it working. Every time you find yourself trying to “understand” you’ll know your PPE is at work, diligently plugging away. Just notice that happening.

Hard as it may sound, the next step is to see if you can start to relinquish the constant need to “understand” everything around you. Realize that we’ll never really understand everything in life anyway, and that some things will never be understandable. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who knows?  Does it matter?  It is possible to gradually shift from a place of needing to understand to accepting a lot of what happens as “what happens”. Meditation on the breath or a flower or anything that is rather removed from being a “problem” is often helpful.

Make sure you treat your PPE well, getting needed breaks from work and worries. Finally, healing emotional wounds so they no longer mess up your PPE’s working will enable it to do its job well and serve you like the good servant it wants to be.

Copyright 2010 Robert S. Vibert, all rights reserved.

– Comments and feedback are welcome, as long as you don’t expect me to understand you. My PPE is offline for an oil change. 😉